How it works

You see, the juxtaposition makes it both funny AND incisive.

I could use the piles as end tables, right?

This comic rings just a little too true for comfort.

I think I remember there being an entry about this in Stuff White People Like, but if not, there should be.

Oh yeah, and...

Happy Holidays!

I love the Eve

So aside from my Christmas Eve Eve turning into a perfect example of the "Belly of the Whale," (I can't even find the establishment known as "Shooters" on Google Maps. 'Nuff said.) I'm off to a great start for the holiday weekend.

Plus, here are two great comics for Christmas Eve (one is just generally true; the other a fine holiday strip). Happy Holidays everyone!

Welcome to Maine! Please locate the nearest exit.

Ah, Maine. Join the population-loss club. We Michiganders are here for you. Well, those of us that are still here, anyway, are here for you.

I keep making Okies jokes, but they're nonsensical given that there is no booming California for Michigander (or Rhode Islander or Mainiac) Joads to move to.

But my biggest question about the article and new data is this: Wyoming?! Wyoming is in first place for population growth? Wyoming? Did Cheney stop shooting people, leading to a rise in their census numbers? I just don't get it. We live in strange times, my friend, strange times indeed.

Yep

Frighteningly accurate. (Thanks to Candorville!)

Also, I never really cared about Tiger Woods before. I enjoy golf, but cannot fathom why people watch televised golf outings. Yet, now I have immensely more respect for the man. Not, obviously, because he was a louse to his wife, but because he is the first celebrity to bother pointing out what has always seemed obvious to me:

But no matter how intense curiosity about public figures can be, there is an important and deep principle at stake which is the right to some simple, human measure of privacy. I realize there are some who don't share my view on that. But for me, the virtue of privacy is one that must be protected in matters that are intimate and within one's own family. Personal sins should not require press releases and problems within a family shouldn't have to mean public confessions.

So sayeth Tiger. Or, in all reality, I probably just respect his public relations people as the odds are slim that he wrote it himself, but regardless, I agree 100% with the intent of the statement. I am so very, very weary of celebrities' lives being considered national news. Entertainment Tonight and its competitors exist for a reason; let them cover such stories. For the love of all that's holy, and, I reckon, for the sake of the nation, could our "real" news media please cover actual news?

I could go on, but I'll spare you.

My blog is often doggo.

New favorite word: Doggo.

I love A Word A Day.

A Perfect Day (Not Involving Bananafish)

I came about as close to a perfect day last weekend as any adult can reasonably desire. Here, I submit a brief recipe.

1. Get home late at night/early in the morning after hanging out with your brother and discussing the NBA.

2. Wake up to freshly baked breakfast. (Recommended: Have a wife killer enough to bake breakfast while you sleep in.)

3. Discover that it is clear and sunny with a high of about 60 degrees, despite it being mid-November in Michigan.

4. Walk to get fresh Michigan apples (honeycrisps from the farmers market downtown did the trick).

5. Eat more.

6. Take the dogs for a three-mile hike on a county parks trail. Be warm enough to wear only a t-shirt (well, and pants). While driving to and from the park, listen to at least one of your college football teams win and secure a bowl game berth. (We shan't discuss my other team's status at this time. Too much to say. Maybe in a later post.)

7. Drop by and say to A.) family and B.) friends.

8. Go to a free reading by Stephen Dunn at the community college only three miles from your house. Free. Stephen Dunn. The man won a Pulitzer, for crying out loud.

9. Hear him read "Don't Do That." Realize that life is good.

10. Fall asleep watching college football. Realize that life is great.

Are you listening, Frank Black Francis?

I was flipping through an old notebook and noticed it appears that I spent the majority of a conference session at the National Council of Teachers of English a few years ago pondering which songs the Pixies (circa 1989) should cover (yes, I should've paid better attention to the session, but hey, the Pixies cannot be denied). I probably meant to post it here ages ago, and knowing myself, I inevitably must have started debating the entries on the list so much that I never posted it. Well, forget that. And forget the necessary rips in the time-space continuum to make this dream happen. Here you go; I give you the Top Five Songs the Pixies (circa 1989) Should Cover:

5. "Take the Money and Run," Steve Miller Band: Imagine the Kim Deal "woo-woos." I get all twitterpated just thinkin' about it.

4. A JB tie: "Papa's Got a Brand New Bag" or "Super Bad," by James Brown. Joey Santiago's guitar on "Papa" would just kill.

3. "Somebody's Watching Me," by Rockwell. I'm not sure why. I just suspect it'd be quite good.

2. "Folsom Prison Blues," by Johnny Cash. Why? Picture Frank Black Francis delivering the famous line, "I shot a man in Reno / just to -- watch -- him -- diiiiee." That's why.

1. "Hey Ya," by Outkast. This one came out a conversation with my brother, and I don't remember which of us thought of this first. But that doesn't matter. Seriously, just imagine that for a moment.

That sweet, sweet sound

This is quite possibly the best comic strip ever.


Or at the very least, in a long, long, looong time.